too many dreams, too much reality
by Ruffis Pennyhill
Summary: While Dinozzo gratefully awakes at the horrible nightmare that will come back to haunt him Gibbs unwillingly awakes to the stunning reality at the loss of a friend
1. Chapter 1

Dinozzo awoke, sweating, his face sweltering hot and a strong run of fear that pervaded his blue eyes

_**D**__**inozzo awoke, sweating, his face sweltering hot and a strong run of fear that pervaded his blue eyes. Tony had never come to find any realism in dreams – very Zivaish of him, her disbelief in Fortune Cookies and his in an allusion people read too much into a dancing elephant or three legged men.**_

_**The dream was not per say long but his feet were slow as if dragging concrete and his eyes only showed him clips – he was sure of his surroundings, the sunlight hidden and then reappearing from behind the trees but strangely shining no light – That reminded him of the Blare Witch Project, Good movie, but the darkness was the hardest because although the sun came through the darkness was never REALLY over.**_

_**At a clearing he tested himself why he was running, the hollow of the woods seemed after him and he tripped and stumbled at every turn. **_

_**A final turn ended the dream and very well was the most disturbing part of the dream as he turned, feeling as though he were actually there he saw what and who he was running from, in the cool of the morning and even in the darkness Dinozzo could make out the face he had looked to for nearly six years –**_

_**Gibbs was standing over him, an axe in his hand and the glare in his eyes, Tony was suddenly on the ground looking into those eyes and calmly from the chill of the morning came his voice: **_

"_**Dinozzo, you remember you were supposed to protect Jenny – I loved her Dinozzo, Why did you do that Dinozzo, why?"**_

_**Gibbs? – His hair was matted awkwardly and he was bringing back the axe over his head. Gibbs??**_

_**The axe had come down upon his chest hard and like the feeling of falling In a dream he felt as though he lay there dying and as he turned his head blood trickling down his arm he saw a tree secluded from the rest and hanging from it Ziva David, dead like he was. Her face tilted to one side awkwardly – the flash of that week pouring instantly like a hot realization of the world being poured back into him. Or just blood. **_

_**Dead – lies – blood – too many secrets.**_

**Gibbs awoke his normal mood, from behind the computer screen on his desk – he had lost sleep in the upcoming days and had found little but still comfort dozing off every now and then at the glance of the directors office and he had found that comforting – just in case.**

**The phone vibrated in Gibbs' lap – man he hated that thing, the blur of his eyes was temporary but it was enough to wake him from his slumber and bark his name into the receiver.**

"**Gibbs, he said – but only half awake and very unwelcoming in his voice.**

**The receiving end was silent and Gibbs had half the temptation to leave it when a low voice answered, his too unwelcoming and harsh.**

"**Special Agent Gibbs said the other end intuitively "Joshua Mecum – FBI."**

**Oh, Gibbs knew these people; he didn't like them either NCIS strangely enough didn't seem to be their favorite acronym at all for turf or reasons of need.**

"**I only deal with Tobias – you have him call me – that's all." **

**He didn't even try to hide his little care for these people – he was tired and they were arrogant, Tobias was a personal exception.**

"**No – "the voice said with a kind of laugh now," that's not all, Tobias is dead, and you are next."**

**...**


	2. Blink

Ziva David didn't worry easily, she too had faced trials in her life and had passed them with usually only a cut or a bruise, she didn't regret and she didn't cry

_**Z**__**iva David didn't worry easily, she too had faced trials in her life and had passed them with usually only a cut or a bruise, she didn't regret and she didn't cry.**_

_**But she did.**_

_**She was lying to herself and it did not take Ducky to see through that disguise.**_

_**She knew what Tony felt and had a passing of the same feeling, but what she saw in his eyes was hard and tormenting, more than she could bear to feel and more than he should have to.**_

…

"_**I loved her Dinozzo" **_

_**Loved**_

_**Loved**_

_**Loved **_

…

_**She had had it too – awoken in a daze, two or three in the morning; remembering…oh why did she have to remember, she drove but she didn't know where she was going, Tony didn't ether, he didn't have to tell her – she knew.**_

_**She had never voiced her assumptions about it but she knew Tony felt what she felt – **_

_**The diner**_

_**Walking in – **_

_**Blood**_

_**Pain, even Ziva had no guard facing the things she saw there.**_

_**Director Sheppard lying there so ….**_

_**Insulted to her memory.**_

_**Gibbs looks into Jenny's' eyes and she was not there, not completely - he could not tell her.**_

_**He should have told her.**_

_**He would have told her.**_

…

"_**Dinozzo," Ziva's voice rang from memory," We should call Gibbs.**_

"_**The directors probably fine, Ziva." he had said. If he had known everything then, pain could have eased and she felt it too – I wish I could have told him.**_

_**But she couldn't and though she was steering through the pain with only mild recollections it hurt that he hurt.**_

_**She had to talk to Dinozzo – she kept driving – this was the third time in a month she had taken to doing this – to ease her and every time she tempted herself to call Dinozzo, his pain she knew, never really stopped – nor had his drinking.**_

_**Her speed dial came down to D**_

_**And pressed call.**_

**Across the way a man could see Gibbs, the bosses' face worn and now very discreet and hurt. Gibbs stood across Joshua Mecum, the squad room very dimly lit and the tone different. **

**Very different, colder, though this man didn't know it.**

**Gibbs was being handed a file from Mecum standing firmly across the floor. The long silence disturbing Mecum but keeping Gibbs at ease – **

'**Maybe its better I didn't know', thought Gibbs. **

**The file seemed sacred and Gibbs opened it with a hurt, denying ease.**

'**Yes Gibbs, the man from a distance seemed to say, watching Gibbs and Mecum with a gazing eye looking through the windows that glazed a yellow glow into the night.**

'**Your friend is dead – '**

**The man amused himself with the two men, watching, waiting.**

**The man seemed satisfied with the reaction he had gotten as if feeding off of it, loving it.**

**Tasting it,**

**He lined the crosshairs to Gibbs' chest… not even feeling any remorse in the least, he had not even taken a glance to Joshua Mecum, sure an FBI was a prize but this man had wanted new blood.**

**Too easy.**

**Tying up loose ends.**

**They thought Tobias was the bait, **

**He lined his shot – no remorse, **

'**No, tisk tisk, they should know better.**

**Loaded the barrel not even a care.**

**Gibbs was the bait.**

**Not even a blink.**


	3. Shot in the dark

The night was still but not quite – there was only the recent sound that wavered the night and that was gone – anyone who thoughts were upon the noise had drifted to a humble slumber on this night

_**T**__**he night was still but not quite – there was only the recent sound that wavered the night and that was gone – anyone who thoughts were upon the noise had drifted to a humble slumber on this night. **_

_**Four shots into the air, glass dancing about in the night – a fast dance, over in seconds but still a dance and it was beautiful.**_

_**Joshua Mecum was not a fool – he was his own way and often scrutinized others in his path; no he was not a nice man – nor had he ever attempted to play that part, his figurative autism was to focus on one thing and keep to it, persistent.**_

_**Leroy Jethro Gibbs was lying there the clock read two in the morning – Jenny would be here soon…. no wait., she wouldn't, he let a soft groan but lay to the ceiling, , the low wind from the shock sweeping him away, shards of glass near.**_

_**Pulling him – the light if there was one was drawing near and near with every second and it seemed so real, pulling him…. pulling him…. away.**_

_**Lucy would be waiting, she would be laughing and he would laugh too but he didn't know why, they would laugh together….**_

_**Shannon would draw him to her… taking him away…pulling him away – only if he wanted to go.**_

_**Take me**_

_**Take me away**_

_**But he was still lying there the silence defining him and he would cry – not for the pain he felt but for still being here, looking upon the world he still knew, abandoning his beautiful dream.**_

_**Lucy saw him leaving.**_

_**She stopped laughing.**_

_**Shannon too…**_

_**Don't cry Lucy.**_

_**Lucy.**_

_**Four shots had mercilessly pierced the flack vest.**_

_**Joshua Mecum was not a fool – **_

_**Gibbs lie there and there wasn't a second in that time where he didn't wish the vest was gone…that he was gone, he did not per say pity living but it was really the only time when he really thought he was dead… game over, done… that he saw her again – he could laugh with them and forget the tears he once cried.**_

_**Lucy was almost a blur now…Shannon cradled her in her arms playfully but something was missing, he was missing. **_

_**Lucy**_

_**Leaving…**_

_**Don't go Lucy…**_

_**Fading…**_

_**Gone, Gibbs was still there**_

_**Take me**_

"_**No Daddy, stay" her voice pierced his heart, ringing his ears and losing his senses he knew he would greet her someday – like first seeing the beaches of Mexico, he knew.**_

"_**W**__**ell hello there Ziva" Tony encountered the situation trying not to sound… troubled to say the least, these dreams could occur at anything Tony had found, anything that really reminded him of … memories to say the most, he never talked about it but it had ALWAYS been there.**_

_**Ziva had the most feeling to hang up – she had not come to speak these feelings yet – he seemed at times to never understand…**_

_**Mussad did not train you for this and it hurt that she couldn't speak her mind, so for now she would hold the phone there for a second, there was still going back… she wished him well but she could not bring herself to it…**_

_**But then again she could try, **_

"_**We need to talk….Tony we really need to talk" she had nearly brought herself to tears, closing the phone**_

_**The diner**_

_**Her vision became blurred**_

_**Walking in, hoping**_

_**Would she tell Tony everything?**_

_**The blood that loomed the place so…**_

_**She was tired of these games**_

_**Driving now into the night**_

_**Crying now but not unwelcoming it**_

_**Tears**_

_**Blood**_

_**What did she want from Tony? – To tell her that it was a dream, tomorrow I will wake up and we never felt pain – we will laugh again…**_

_**She wanted him to understand**_

_**She wanted **_

_**More**_

_**I**__**n later knowledge it became relevant that FBI agent Tobias Fornell died instantly – if ties were ever made to Gibbs, Joshua was unsure; Gibbs didn't like that man and would bet his life again that Tobias didn't either – He sat alone,…alone at last, sanding the boat in the near darkness of his home, he was never afraid here, sanding, he never would be… out there he could die but here he was reliving the part of his self that wanted to be taken away… the part that didn't need to live, here he could remember the people who had come before; swallow his sorrows in a drink and remember them – tonight was for Tobias, a friend.**_

_**Joshua Mecum may have been a cautious man in all but was not in fact to missing a bullet.**_

_**Abby would run tests in the morning – He would find the bastard but deep somewhere he knew how far the ties went in this and much deeper knew the chances of the same ties to Jenny.**_

'_**Ill find you, you bastard'**_

_**The name that had hurt him before would come again**_

_**Oshemida **_


End file.
